By: Lisa Copeland
Last week, I watched an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond called The Sister-In-Law.
This episode depicts just how differently men and women think conversation does or doesn’t connect us.
For sure, something you want to be aware of when it comes to 1st date conversations.
The story begins with Raymond having the house all to himself.
He chooses to spend his time watching a basketball game with his brother.
Waiting for Robert to show up, he’s busy eating one of his favorite food groups, potato chips.
He’s happy as a clam being a guy.
Then the door opens and who shows up?
His brothers’ wife, Amy.
She immediately parks herself right next to Raymond on the couch and starts talking.
You can see Raymond’s eyes glazing over as Amy starts a conversation divulging full details of her latest shopping trip and the challenges she had with the woman helping her.
Amy feels sharing her woes has really connected her with Raymond.
But has it?
I’d say no since after she left, he nicknamed her Lady Chatterley.
So, why do I share this story with you?
As women, we love details and that’s why Amy openly shared the intricate details of her shopping experience with Raymond.
But most men aren’t interested in specific details unless they relate to you and there is something in that story they can fix and make better for you.
Sorry ladies, but that’s how a man’s wired.
Now if you can’t go into details…then what do you talk about on a first date?
Here’s 12 Do’s and Don’ts to guide you into a smooth first date conversation with a man.
1. If you’re feeling awkward and silences are happening between the two of you (which by the way is pretty normal) DO try to break the awkwardness by smiling, laughing and saying something like…first dates are pretty awkward aren’t they? This common feeling creates a connection between the two of you that could turn your date around.
2. Don’t talk about how angry or bitter you feel about your ex. A man can’t fix something for a woman he barely knows and this makes him feel like he’s not doing his manly job of keeping you safe. (By the way, if you still grit your teeth with anger talking about your ex, you probably want to do some healing before you date.)
3. Do feel free to talk about the weather that’s happening these days. I remember meeting a man right after a major snowstorm. We could both relate to getting snowed in and that common feeling is the type of stuff that helps you bond.
4. Do talk about sports if you’re a fan. Men will feel like they’ve hit the jackpot meeting you.
5. Don’t get turned off when a man shares a lot about his life. I remember a guy pulling out his phone to show me pictures of his house, his kids, his dog, and his vacations. Why do they do that? When a man likes you, he’s trying to impress you hoping you’ll go out with him again.
6. Don’t monopolize a conversation and talk on and on about yourself. Monologues are boring and you could end up being labeled Lady Chatterley like Amy was.
7. Do feel free to talk about something nice or funny that happened to you now or in the past. You come across as light and fun to be around; qualities men are looking for in a woman.
8. Don’t get into deep discussions about politics or religion. These are “hot topics” that can push people’s buttons. You’re looking for a 2nd date, not World War III.
9. Do talk about friends and family and ask about his.
10. Don’t whine or complain about your life. Everyone has troubles of some sort. When you air your dirty laundry on a first date, you come off sounding like a major Debbie Downer. Not a trait that is super appealing to men.
11. Do ask questions about his childhood like what his favorite TV show was. Sharing history you both remember from back in the day creates connection and isn’t that what you’re looking for?
12. Don’t talk about the details of your friend’s new love life or the fact your plumber was supposed to come at 1 but didn’t show up till 5 unless you want to watch his eyes glaze over. Instead, Do find topics that apply to both of you. These are the things that give you the best chance of finding common ground to bond over.
Lisa Copeland is a leading internationally recognized Love Coach and Dating Expert for women over 50. She inspires and teaches women how to feel confident, empowered and joyful dating after 50. You can get a free copy of her eBook “The 5 Little Known Secrets to Finding a Quality Man” at www.findaqualityman.com